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OH YOU THOUGHT THE TORTOISE WAS SLOW?
Clearly you have been reading too many of that Aesop guy’s lies! The truth is, when you spray a little WD40 on a tortoise’s shell, flip it on its back and send it down a hill, well, they are FAST AS SHELL.* As will you be when you throw on these blue-lensed tortoiseshell shades!
Your move, Hare.
*(We do not condone the use of WD40 on live turtles. This is just a joke, people.)